Three Months
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| Joshuas' ashes and the prayer bear his daddy bought him when he found out we were pregnant |
Joshua,
Its been three months since we said goodbye to you. Not a day ( not a moment) has gone by that you are not with me, in my thought, in my heart. I wish more than anything that things could have been different. That I could be sitting here at this desk writing about how soon you would be here, showing off pictures of your room, of the many little tiny outfits I had picked out for you, about how your sisters were so excited to meet you.
I have your ashes on the nightstand beside my bed. You are tucked safely inside the belly of a beautiful blue teddy bear. Sometimes I wake up in the night just to hold you, and i wonder to myself if you can feel it. I hope you know how much you are loved, how the few months you grew inside me and the painfully short hours I was able to hold you in my arms have forever been etched on me, heart and soul. I hope your happy and you feel my love for you, I hope youre surrounded by it.
I read something the other day and it spoke directly to me,
"They say that time in heaven is compared to 'the blink of an eye' for us on this earth. Sometimes it helps me to think of my child running ahead of me through a beautiful field of wildflowers and butterflies; so happy and completely caught up in what he is doing that when he looks behind him, I'll already be there."
Its been three months since we said goodbye to you. Not a day ( not a moment) has gone by that you are not with me, in my thought, in my heart. I wish more than anything that things could have been different. That I could be sitting here at this desk writing about how soon you would be here, showing off pictures of your room, of the many little tiny outfits I had picked out for you, about how your sisters were so excited to meet you.
I have your ashes on the nightstand beside my bed. You are tucked safely inside the belly of a beautiful blue teddy bear. Sometimes I wake up in the night just to hold you, and i wonder to myself if you can feel it. I hope you know how much you are loved, how the few months you grew inside me and the painfully short hours I was able to hold you in my arms have forever been etched on me, heart and soul. I hope your happy and you feel my love for you, I hope youre surrounded by it.
I read something the other day and it spoke directly to me,
"They say that time in heaven is compared to 'the blink of an eye' for us on this earth. Sometimes it helps me to think of my child running ahead of me through a beautiful field of wildflowers and butterflies; so happy and completely caught up in what he is doing that when he looks behind him, I'll already be there."
I hope so much that this is true, and that we will be together again, and the time we were apart will ahve been nothing. Until that time though, I just hope you knwo how much youre loved.
My thoughts on World Breatsfeeding Week
Did you know that this week August 1st - 7th is World Breastfeeding Week?
I am very glad that this week exists. Im glad that there are people out there fighting for the rights of breastfeeding mothers. Im glad that this week has brought up discussions about whether or not supplying brand new moms in hospotals formula without them asking is the right thing to do. Im happy to see the pride that mothers are taking in their breastfeeding relationships, but at the same time I have seen some people taking it beyond pride into something closer to "smug-ness".
I am a huge supporter of breastfeeding, IF IT WORKS FOR YOU. I am proud to say that i was able to breastfeed both of my girls for a total of over 20 months, but it wasnt easy. When Vanessa was 4 months old she was diagnosed with failure to thrive, and i had to start supplemeting formula, and taking supplements to help boost my supply. It didnt really help me though, and by the time she was eight months old, she was fully weaned from breastmilk.
I missed our breastfeeding relationship once it was over, but i have never felt guilty about making the decision to give her formula. I am constantly coming across what has been labelled as "the mommy wars", and i find myslef thinking about how were all so quick to judge other peoples decisions.In my experience though, the world isnt black and white, and what works for me, may not work for you, and vice versa.
So while were all taking the week to support breastfeeding families, I want to take a moment to just send out a huge hug to all the mommies in the world, whether they formula feed, breastfeed, cloth diaper, babywear, work, stay at home, whatever.
Kudos to the moms, who do what they do because it is whats right for them, their baby, and their families.
I am a huge supporter of breastfeeding, IF IT WORKS FOR YOU. I am proud to say that i was able to breastfeed both of my girls for a total of over 20 months, but it wasnt easy. When Vanessa was 4 months old she was diagnosed with failure to thrive, and i had to start supplemeting formula, and taking supplements to help boost my supply. It didnt really help me though, and by the time she was eight months old, she was fully weaned from breastmilk.
I missed our breastfeeding relationship once it was over, but i have never felt guilty about making the decision to give her formula. I am constantly coming across what has been labelled as "the mommy wars", and i find myslef thinking about how were all so quick to judge other peoples decisions.In my experience though, the world isnt black and white, and what works for me, may not work for you, and vice versa.
So while were all taking the week to support breastfeeding families, I want to take a moment to just send out a huge hug to all the mommies in the world, whether they formula feed, breastfeed, cloth diaper, babywear, work, stay at home, whatever.
Kudos to the moms, who do what they do because it is whats right for them, their baby, and their families.
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