Thoughts on sleep training

I think Im getting soft...

(dammit, I was going to say "in my old age", but i cant even bring myself to type those words. You know you're getting old when you can no longer joke about getting old. End rant)

As i was saying, I think I'm getting soft.
 Z is now just over four months old, and he sleeps, well, like a four month old.
This is the age that I usually start thinking about sleep training (translation: this is usually the point where I just. cant. take. the. rocking. one more night).


 With my eldest, I got myself all worked up to sleep train and even did the whole, circle the date on the calender" thing. I had heard stories of babies screaming for hours and as the day approached told myself that I would try this for five minutes and then I would swoop in to rescue her. As I laid her down in her crib that night I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, and tears running down my face. I laid my baby down, kissed her good night, told her I loved her more than pancakes, and walked out of the room.
And that's when i heard it, not the sream I had been dreading, but silence.
I stood outside of her door for ten minutes and listened, waiting for the scream, but instead I heard her talking and eventually drifting off to sleep. And just like that Sophia was sleep trained.

With my second ( who was a
much worse sleeper) I approached sleep training without an ounce of apprehension, I had been through this before, I knew it wasn't as bad as people made it seem, and besides, I had a toddler to chase and a husband working late, I just couldn't spend forty minutes each night rocking a baby to sleep.
The appointed night came, and I barely even thought about it, I just figured it would happen like it did with her sister. I laid her down and walked out of the room
And then she started crying.
I lasted about a minute and a half before before I ran in, scooped up my baby and decided that cry it out methods just weren't for me.
Over the next few weeks I tried and tried to get her to go to sleep on her own, I read a dozen books, spent hours searching the internet for a way to help my baby sleep, and nothing worked. Finally I got to a point of exhaustion.  I was caring for a six month old, and chasing a toddler all day, and rocking a baby through the night. I couldn't take it anymore.
I decided to try again. It took an eternity that first night, but we stuck with it. I sat beside her crib and let her know I loved her. Eventually she fell asleep. The next night it took five minutes, after that, she didn't cry at all. And shes been a great sleeper ever since.

Now, its coming up to Z's time.
I'm not ready though.
Maybe its the knowledge that he could be my last baby, but I'm just not ready to give up our nightly snuggles, even if they do take hours some nights. I just cant face the thought of not having his sweet little body snuggled into me at night.
 Im not ready to give that up just yet. Maybe in a few months, but not yet.
I must be getting soft....


 Did you sleep train? Was it easy or hard for you?

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