There really are no words

Hi all, I'm sorry Ive been MIA, but things haven't been so great around the Modern Housewife home.  I recently had the joy to announce to the world that we were expecting baby #3.  For a few short weeks I was blissfully happy, unfortunately it just wasn't meant to be.
Our baby is not well, and unfortunately he will not be joining us as we had hoped.  I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and our baby boy will be coming this week.
We have named him Joshua Anthony.
I feel thoroughly broken, and have not even come close to wrapping my head around this.  Ive cried until I though there could not possibly be any more tears, and then Ive cried some more. Ive begged, pleaded and railed at fate, and the cruelty of all of this.
I'm hoping in time acceptance will come, and maybe even peace, but for now there is only sadness, and a whole in my heart that feels like it will never heal.
I came across a poem this morning that really resonated with me today, and I want to share it with you all, because as much as I can wish that this would never happen to anyone, I know I am not alone.  I hope that if there is any mother out there who is grieving right now, this can bring you a small amount of comfort.

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard Him say...

A mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a mother
... when your baby is not with you?

Yes, you can He replied,
With confidence in His voice.
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others just for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say:

"We go to earth to learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me Oh so much
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a mom
Who has so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My mommy set me free.

I miss my mommy Oh so much,
But I visit every day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And I whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here."

So, you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are not blue.
Your babies are here in MY home,
They'll be at Heaven's gate waiting for you.

So now you see what makes a mother,
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother,
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day,
And they'll know you were the best one.

2 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry you are going through this. My thoughts are with you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I just came across your blog randomly and saw your last post. I don't know you but I am sending love and caring for you all. What a terribly sad thing to have happened.

    ReplyDelete

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