Rules That Shouldnt Exist, But Do

Before I had kids, our household had few "rules".  We didn't bring our cellphones to the dinner table, We consulted each other before major purchases or plans, and we didn't put the empty milk carton back into the fridge.  Normal, rational rules that normal civilized human beings just live by, without constant reminders.

Now, I have kids, a faint memory of what "normal" or "civilized" feels like, and a new system of rules that sounds like something out of a gag book that you give to your friend when you find out that shes pregnant for the first time.

Don't get me wrong, I always expected to have some rules for the kids.  Common sense rules like, "Don't tell daddy if you catch mommy eating his last cookie", or "Don't say Mommy's special words in front of grandma", but it has gone way beyond that. There is now an official etiquette regarding appropriate ways to talk about poop at the dinner table.

Here are a few actual reminders that i have had to give my littles recently,

1. Don't eat rocks
2. Don't eat/smell markers
3. Don't lick our friends
4. Don't lick the cat
(apparently my kids have an oral fixation)

5. Don't climb the curtains
6. Don't hide toys in the garbage can
7. Don't hide toys in your diaper
8. The cat dosnt give "pony rides"
9. The BABY dosnt give pony rides
(although he does seem to enjoy it)

10. If you can pick up a spider and bring it over to "show mommy", you're not allowed to be afraid of My Little Pony dolls
11. We don't fart in peoples faces
12. Throwing all your toys down the basement stairs is not cleaning up
13. A fresh cup of coffee + dinky car is not a recipe for cake
14. We don't drink out of bottle we find under the couch
15. "The baby did it", is not an appropriate response when mommy asks you to clean up the crayons, especially if you're still holding three of them.

What crazy rules do you have in your house?

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