Three Months

Joshuas' ashes and the prayer bear his daddy bought him when
he found out we were pregnant
Its been three months since we said goodbye to you.  Not a day ( not a moment) has gone by that you are not with me, in my thought, in my heart.  I wish more than anything that things could have been different. That I could be sitting here at this desk writing about how soon you would be here, showing off pictures of your room, of the many little tiny outfits I had picked out for you, about how your sisters were so excited to meet you.
I have your ashes on the nightstand beside my bed.  You are tucked safely inside the belly of a beautiful blue teddy bear.  Sometimes I wake up in the night just to hold you, and i wonder to myself if you can feel it.  I hope you know how much you are loved, how the few months you grew inside me and the painfully short hours I was able to hold you in my arms have forever been etched on me, heart and soul.  I hope your happy and you feel my love for you, I hope youre surrounded by it.
I read something the other day and it spoke directly to me,
"They say that time in heaven is compared to 'the blink of an eye' for us on this earth. Sometimes it helps me to think of my child running ahead of me through a beautiful field of wildflowers and butterflies; so happy and completely caught up in what he is doing that when he looks behind him, I'll already be there."
I hope so much that this is true, and that we will be together again, and the time we were apart will ahve been nothing. Until that time though, I just hope you knwo how much youre loved.

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