Back When It All Was New
A good friend of mine recently found out that shes expecting her first baby.
I am beyond excited!
I love watching the people around me grow their families, and there's something magical about going through it for the first time, isn't there?
She has so much to look forward to, the fluttery baby kicks, the growing belly, the connection that you feel with your baby, before you even meet them. I cant wait to watch her blossom into a mother, and to watch her and her husband become parents.
As I always do, whether I get asked or not, I want to share my own knowledge with them. Which prenatals are best, what you can do for a headache, what is safe to eat and what isn't?
I find though, that in talking to them, my mind has drudged up memories of a time when it was all new to me.
Hes skinny and Im cold
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I wonder how many calories are in those fingers |
Fun!
This is the longest we've gone between appointments since this whole Failure to Thrive Debacle started. I want to think hes gained, but I don't know. At his last appointment he was just over eleven pounds, I'm hoping and praying that hes at least twelve pounds tomorrow. If hes not, I think we'll be switching to chocolate formula.
I'm really lost on how this kid isn't completely round. All he does is eat! I know a lot of moms feels that way, but I mean Literally.
I breastfeed for around twenty minutes and then give him a two oz bottle, he then falls asleep for about ninety minutes and then I breastfeed him again for twenty minutes, an hour or so later, we repeat. All day and all night.
And all day.
And all night
Update on us
Shes growing up
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My big girl all dressed up for school |
They're starting to work together
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Sophia and her "liddle sisser" |
For the first eight months of my life as a mom of two, it was blissful contentment, Sophia really didn't notice the baby too much except to coo at her, or give her kisses and snuggles, she would tell everyone about the baby being " my liddle sisser", and there was always such pride in her voice.
Over time, and really not as much time as you would think, Vanessa began to relish her roll as the tormenting little sister. I would watch her sit across a room from Sophia, who was oblivious to being studied, and I could see the plotting going through her sneaky little sister mind. If I was patient, and I waited ( never long) I would be able to witness Vanessa's lightning quick attacks on whatever Sophia was playing with at the moment. I swear, sometimes I felt like I was on safari watching the Cheetahs attack.
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accomplices |
I think yesterdays facebook stauts sort of sums it all up,
"Just heard a thump coming from the backroom where the girls are, followed by Vanessa crying, within seconds I also heard Sophia rush to her sister and say Shhh Vinvin its ok shhhh and a big kiss, my heart was warmed and i walked into the room just in time to hear Sophia say, shhhhh dont tell mom, shes coming now.
sigh"
Things I got yelled at for today
Today she turns 3
How can she be three already? It seems like yesterday she came hiccuping into the world, and now she's sitting on the couch watching Jake and the Pirates and singing about Gold Doubloons.
I love this picture of her, she was so tiny! I couldn't believe we actually got to take her home, I was more than a little terrified.
I think she may be confused.
Ever since I had my youngest daughter Ive been trying to make sure to find one on one time with my toddler. In the beginning it was almost impossible to plan my days but now that things have settled down and Vanessa is taking something resembling a nap on a semi regular basis, Ive been able to devote a few specific times a day to Sophia.
Every day we have our little rituals. Nap time stories, emptying the dishwasher and making the bed have become something we both look forward to.
Our favorite ritual by far though is Sophia's massage. I used to give S. a massage when she was little, every night after her bath. We both loved it. But as she got older and bath time became play time and after bath time became chase-the-wriggling-wet-screaming-toddler-through-the-house-time, our quiet massage ritual became a rarity. Then came the chaos of two under two and for several months we had no routine or schedule at all.
Ive now carved out a piece of (almost) every morning just after Sophia wakes up, and while Vinnie is down for her morning nap, for massage time. We use pretty smelling cream and rub her toes,legs, back, tummy and arms.
Ive been trying to use this time to teach Sophia the names of her body parts. Last week we talked about funny bones. Sophia thought this was the funniest name ever and every opportunity she got she would point her elbows and yell "funny elbows" while laughing uncontrollably.
This morning i spent a little time talking about her feet. I showed her her heels, her arches, the balls of her feet, and her toes. We also talked about the muscles in her feet and legs and how they all work together to help her run. She was very quiet all through our little lesson and when we were done she ran off to play.
Ten minutes later daddy came downstairs. Sophia ran up to him, sat down with a thump, lifted her feet in the air and declared loudly enough for the neighbors to hear.
I couldn't help bursting out with laughter at his face. I rarely see my husband speechless so this was a treat. Of course Sophia saw my laughing and kept at it, spinning in circles and singing "dancing on my balls dancing on my toe-toes dancing on my balls"
You really cant predict what a toddler will take from anything you teach them, i just hope she gets all the ball talk out of her system before we go to her grandmothers house tonight for dinner...
Kids say the darndest things
Sophia: mommy, mommy,mommy
Me: Hold on baby mommy's on the phone
Sophia: Mom, mommy, mama, mama, mama, MOM, mommy, mom, mommy MOM, MAMA, mamamommymommamamommyMOMMAMAMOMMYMOMMOMMOMMAMAMAMAMAMAMA
MOMMOMMYMOMMAMAMOMMYMOMMOMMOMMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMOMMAMAMOMMOM
MOMMOMMYMOMMAMAMOMMYMOMMOMMOMMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMOMMAMAMOMMMOMMOMMYMOMMAMAMOMMYMOMMOMMOMMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMOMMAMAMOMMMOMMOMMYMOMMAMAMOMMYMOMMOMMOMMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMOMMAMAMOMMMOMMOMMYMOMMAMAMOMMYMOMMOMMOMMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMOMMAMAMOMMMOMMOMMYMOMMAMAMOMMYMOMMOMMOMMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMOMMAMAMOMMMOMMOMMYMOMMAMAMOMMYMOMMOMMOMMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMOMMAMAMOMMMOMMOMMYMOMMAMAMOMMYMOMMOMMOMMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMOMMAMAMOMM
Me (hand over the receiver): What? What? What?
Sophia: Go away mommy
Mom (who is oh so sympathetic): Wow! you're raising a little you.
Oh the joys of a two year old.
The Green Monster
It's not that I doubt that she loves me, i get so many hugs and kisses all day, every day that it would be impossible to doubt, but there's no denying that daddy is her rock star.
Every day it seems Sophia is learning new things, new words, new ways to express herself, new games, she i
Her newest sentence though, blew us both away. We were sitting at the dinner table, and both me and Daddy were playing with Sophia as she ate. Out of nowhere, in a voice as clear as a bell, she said,
"I love you Daddy"
It was probably almost thirty seconds before I could pick my jaw up off the floor. Sophia hears the words I love you at least a hundred times a day from me and Daddy, but she has never said them back,
Never.
I was overjoyed, my little girl just declared her love.
I wanted to jump up and grab her, give her tons of hugs and kisses, but Daddy had already scooped her up in his arms and was dancing around the living room.
It's been a week since she said it, and she has yet to say it again. I try constantly to get her to say it, the kid must hear "I love you Chickadee" no less than 200 times a day, but she's holding out. I think she knows if she makes me wait, she can milk this. Many of you may doubt that a fourteen month old can have the plotting power of a James Bond super villain but its true. You just watch, she'll say those words again, and I bet you it will be in a toy aisle.
and It will probably work.
Booby Traps
It talked about the "Booby Traps" or roadblock that almost every new mom faces if she decides to breastfeed. A lot of them are things you wouldnt even think would affect your feeding choices, for example whether or not your mom or friends breastfed, but these seemingly minor details can have profound effect on you if you are already doubting yourself even a little bit.
And lets face it, we all doubt ourselves even under the best of circumstances, and becoming a mother, with all of the responsibilities involved with it, can be one of our most vulnerable times.
If you've been reading this blog for a while you know I am very pro breastfeeding, and while I know its not possible or even desirable for every mom to breastfeed, I really do beleive that a lot of women who do want to breastfeed are given road-blocks every step of the way.
For me, breastfeeding my daughter until she was 13 months old is a huge accomplishment. I loved doing it, and there was never a doubt in my mind that i wouldn't do everything in my power to continue our relationship as long as it was mutually beneficial, but at the beginning especially, there were a lot of people and situations that made it a lot more difficult than it had to be.
There were two in particular from the article that I could especially relate to;
You’ve taken a childbirth preparation class, and think you are ready, but breastfeeding got only an hour tacked on at the end, or you took a hospital breastfeeding class but, that unbeknownst to you, included myths and misinformation and was given at a hospital that does not have a good track record for breastfeeding continuation (ask how many moms leave the hospital exclusively breastfeeding if you really want to know how committed they are).
I had my husband bring her to me anyway and I fed my child for the first time under the unapproving looks of he nurse. Once I got her though, I didn't want to let go, and the porter never even batted an eye about taking me to my room as I held my daughter.
The second obstacle I faced was when the weighed my daughter, she was born at 6 lbs 11 oz and by the second day she had dropped to six lbs. The nurses started talking about supplementing her with formula. I asked to speak with the lactation consultant on staff before I did that and was told I would have to wait, possibly until the next morning.
Luckily I had packed the contact information of a lactation clinic that i had already decided to use for my follow up care. I called them and explained the situation. They told me that it was in my best interests to supplement with the formula, but to use a tube attached to my nipple to do so.
I had learned about this technique through my prenatal classes and was comfortable trying it. When the nurse came back though, I asked her if the hospital supplied the tubes, she had never even heard of them. I asked a second nurse and she told me that the tubes were impossible to clean, difficult to use and very uncomfortable.
This went against what I had read about them before, and so I sent my husband in search of one figuring one of the twenty plus stores in the hospital would have it, but no luck. In fact the only breastfeeding supplies he could find i any of the stores were pumps and they only carried one type from one brand .I couldn't beleive it, you could buy everything from a christmas tree to a coffee mug to a welcome mat, but nowhere carried breastfeeding supplies.
In the end we ended up having to use the bottle provided by the hospital. I figured supplementing for one night wouldn't hurt, and the next day after we were released we could track down a tube.
I was so mistaken, after the very first bottle my daughters latch changed, after the second it was as if she had forgotten how. Even though we were breastfeeding at every feeding
(feeding for twenty minutes per side, then pumping for twenty minutes per side, repeated every two hours) the bottle was completely undermining our efforts.
I was so stressed out and I didnt know what to do, on one hand Sophia needed the formula in order to gain weight. The words failure to thrive were already being whispered by my nurses and threats were being made about keeping her in the hospital. On the other hand the bottle was destroying her ability to latch. Even worse, we still hadn't seen nor heard from the LC.
Luckily, we were released the next morning and were able to see the lactation clinic of our choice that afternoon. The difference between the hospital and the clinic was night and day. They listened to my concerns, they watched me feed her, weighed her before and after and concluded that she was getting milk. They showed me how to hold her chin so she would latch properly, provided us with a feeding tube and most importantly gave us the confidence that we could reverse the damage done by the bottle.
Now this was pro-breastfeeding.
They also told us that Sophias weight at birth had probably not been a true weight. I had had an extended labor before the C-section. For almost forty eight hours I had been hooked up to steady stream of pitocin, antibiotics, and fluids. According to our Dr at the lactation clinic, most babies born after similar labors lose more than 10% of their body weight when they lose the excess fluid from the labor. I was shocked, this hadn't even been brought up in the hospital.
They told me that it was up to me if I wanted to continue supplementing or not, but they recommended that i did just in case. I went with their recommendation and they taught me how to tube feed her the formula, they also told me that i only needed to supplement an ounce a feeding, and as I was able to pump more and more I would need less formula.
Happily, after almost a week of breastfeeding and pumping every two hours around the clock, as well as daily visits and weigh ins at the clinic, my milk was in enough that we were able to stop supplementing, and within two weeks, she was above her birth weight.
I am so glad that I had been proactive about choosing a lactation clinic, they were immeasurable helpful to me in the first few days and weeks. Had I relied on my "pro-breastfeeding" hospital to guide me through, I doubt I would have made it.
Your pediatrician charts your baby’s weight against formula-fed babies and thinks she/he is undernourished, undermining your confidence and self-esteem. Compared against breastfed babies, your baby is healthy and thriving, but your pediatrician doesn’t know that breastfed babies have different growth patterns so he recommends you supplement with formula.
My dr. was constantly telling me that Sophia was underweight, or gaining too slowly. She was consistently in the tenth percentile according to his charts. Luckily I knew that Breastfed babies grow at different rates than formula fed babies according to the WHO. I followed the chart on KellyMom and never worried about her growth.
It can be hard to know who to trust when everyone is giving you conflicting information. The best thing you can do for yourself and your child, is to educate yourself in advance of giving birth, on the choices you have. Talk to your friends and relatives that have breastfed and find a lactation clinic in your area before you give birth. Ask questions, and dont be afraid to question any information given to you. Demand second opinions.
But most of all, trust your instincts, dont let anybody make you doubt a decision you made in the best interests of you or your family. Always remember that you are the expert on your child.
Click here to read the rest of the Booby Trap Article at BestForBabies.com
This is one of may all time favorite photos from the first few days after having Sophia. I loved feeding her, and she loved to eat, actually she still does to this day.